I Will Remember You
by Carrie-ko
Summary: Milly reflects on Wolfwood and herself. * Major spoiler alert!* R+R, please. :)


I Will Remember You  
A Trigun Songfic  
By Carrie-ko  
--------------------  
At first, the shock made me deny the truth, made me think that he was going to walk the door, crumpled cigarette in his mouth, his black hair duted with sand, his cross... I really, truly thought he'd made it.  
  
'I will remember you  
Will you remember me?,'  
  
Then reality set in. He wasn't coming back. He was gone forever, and nothing was going to change it. I thought of writing to my mother and father and everybody, but declined. I felt isolated in sadness, nobody could help me. Not even God himself. I was only a innocent girl a few   
days before, but in the blink of an eye I found myself facing dark reality, a loved one's death, for the first time.  
  
'Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories,'  
  
For a while, I cried and sobbed hard. I didn't want to see the light of the outdoors, for fear I'd have to face more pain when I got out there. Meryl and Mr. Vash... They were also affected. Vash had been there when my Priest was seen staggering around, near death. He'd seen what the Gung-Ho Gun sent to kill him had done to his friend. He found the priest laying before an altar. He wasn't going to forget this. Neither was I or Meryl. Ever.  
  
'I'm so tired, but I can't sleep  
Standin' on the edge of something   
much too deep,'  
  
As I cried in my room, tears soaking the bedsheets, I thought about him. Many times over. I pictured his tanned face, slightly unshaven and kind of roughened by the sun, wind and sand. I saw his jet black suit, bearing no resemblance to a regular priest's, his portable confessional (I always did like that thing. I thought it was cute.) I remembered his habits, the smoking, the gambling... His smile... Just him.  
  
'It's funny how we feel so much,  
but we cannot say a word,'  
  
  
The children. If there was one thing he loved about the world, it was children. He would risk life and limb to rescue one, and it would rip his tattered heart apart to see one suffering. Didn't matter if it was from sickness, injury, poverty... He'd understand and try to help. In that way, he was like one of the saints he'd spoken of in the Bible. I was kind of still a child myself when I first met him, naive and lighthearted. I think it was one of the things he liked about me.  
  
'Yeah, we are screaming inside,  
But we can't be heard,'  
  
That night. Oh, God, how I remember it. It happened only a day or so before he left. He was sitting on the bed, and he was upset. I can distinctly remembering me comforting him, smiling innocently as usual. It did calm the fury, and suddenly, we found the affection between us grow abruptly. I won't go into details, of course. I feel that telling would be definetly be wrong, for it was just between us, a secret. My mother said that angels of loved ones long past are always watching down on us from up in heaven. Are you up there too, Nicholas? Are you smiling down at me, huge white wings billowing out behind you? I hope you're happy in heaven. I wonder if God minds you wearing black?  
  
'I will remember you, will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by?  
Weep not for the memories,'  
  
Then there were the things about the Priest that almost made me hate him for a while. The day he killed the Gung-Ho Gun Zazie, the boy who controlled animals. Vash was horrified, and he was at ends with him for quite some time. I felt almost betrayed, but I also felt sad, for both him and myself. His past was strewn about with violence. He was pupil of a Gung-Ho Gun, he was trained to kill. I still think that he shouldn't have pulled the trigger, but I do forgive him. At the root, it wasn't his fault. Does he know this?  
  
'I'm so afraid to love you  
And more afraid to lose  
Clinging to a past that doesn't  
Let me choose,'  
  
After a while, something happened inside me. I was a spark of hope, lighting up the darkness bit by bit. I realized something when this happened... That even though he was gone, even though what we could see of him was gone and buried, he still lived. I'm not sure if Meryl belives me, but he's all around us, around me. He really must be an angel, because I can feel him watching me, protecting me wherever I am. He's in the blue sky, in the dust, and always in my heart. He's not gone at all. He's just simply... here.  
  
'Once there was a darkness  
Deep and endless night  
You gave me everything you had  
Oh, you gave me light,'  
  
And here I sit, at a coffee shop near the office, holding a warm mug of tea in my large hands. Meryl's tying up another report. It's been five months since Vash came back from his battle with that Knives man, who's been sleeping in Vash's apartment ever since. Vash is taking a break from watching him and coming to meet Meryl and I here for lunch.  
He looks happier now, as I am. With everything that's happened since long ago, I'm glad things turned out as they are.  
  
Thank you, Nicholas D. Wolfwood. Thank you for everything. I will never, ever forget you.  
  
'And I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories'  
  
End  
---------------  
Aah... Well, I'm satisfied. I'm a fan of both V+M and W+M, and possibly a future yaoi pairing fan, too. *hee hee!* I love Milly to bits and was itchin' to do a fic from her POV. The lyrics are copyright © Sarah McLachlan (I was gonna do '1000 Oceans' by Tori Amos, but it didn't really fit.). Trigun is copyright © Yasuhiro Nightow (why's his name spelled that way, anyway?) and the others, and the fic is copyright © 2001 Carrie-ko. R+R will be greatly welcomed! :)  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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